Amphibaint

“The RAC is warning motorists of the risk of driving through deep floodwater. … ‘While cars have improved significantly in technical terms in recent years they are still not waterproof and will break down if they are driven through deep water.'” (http://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2013/oct/23/heavy-rain-uk-flood-warnings)

The ministry for stating the bleeding obvious added the reminder that humans are not amphibious.

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Bore

“The emerald ash borer … beetles’ larvae feed on the surface layers of the wood of [the ash] tree, cutting off vital supplies of nutrients and water, causing branches and eventually the whole tree to die.” (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-24612322)

The European ash may be bored to death.

Facebadge

“Vaccination does not disrupt social structure … the social network in badgers – where relatively few individuals might be responsible for disease spread – lends itself to vaccination and could lead quite rapidly to herd immunity.” (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-24587975)

Now we now that badgers use social networking, there’s no need even for an anti-virus. Simply apply a global ‘unfriend’ to those with TB. Problem solved.

Epipha-no

“Over the weekend the archbishop of Canterbury … waded into the row over energy prices, warning that the latest wave of hikes looks inexplicable.” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2013/oct/20/nuclear-power-station-hinkley-edf)

Even divine representatives have no explanation for our power generation strategy.

Dive

“Turtle doves are the fastest declining species – down 95 per cent since 1970 – and reports from earlier this year suggest it is the worst year ever for sightings. Other species hit hard include lapwings, which are down 63 per cent since 1970; corn buntings, down 90 per cent; and skylarks, down 59 per cent.” (http://www.rspb.org.uk/media/releases/355662-farmland-bird-numbers-continue-to-fall)

At this rate soon we won’t be able to move for these birds flapping around our ankles.