Frightjar

“Championing the oil and gas sector and handing out tax breaks for fracking jars…” (http://www.wwf.org.uk/what_we_do/press_centre/index.cfm?uNewsID=6936)

Glass jars are are associated with fracturing, but there’s a fundamental flaw.

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Glow-job

“Every year the night sky is a little less dark and lights shining on glow-worm breeding areas, ponds, rivers and other wildlife habitats can destroy their natural ecology. ” (http://www.rspb.org.uk/media/releases/359538-nocturnal-nature-in-the-balance)

Nobody likes bright lights shining on their breeding areas.

Pi-jaws

“Scientific objections to … culling sharks centre on the fact that in order to reduce attacks, a substantial number of animals will have to be removed, which will have a serious impact on the survival of already threatened species. … Shark attacks often attract huge publicity, but the risk of death from these animals is low compared to other causes of death. For comparison, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, 1,522 people died in transport accidents in Australia in 2011, 1,845 died in falls and several died after being bitten by dogs. … Shark attacks in Australia [averaged] 6.5 per year in the 1990s to 15 per year in the 2000s.” (http://www.nature.com/news/australian-shark-cull-plan-draws-scientists-ire-1.14373)

Should we propose
(a) culling cars,
(b) culling dogs, or
(c) expanding the Darwin Awards?

Whalogic

“Iceland is to increase its whaling quota … [even though] Icelanders eat little whale meat, and most of the catch is sent to the Japanese market where it is stockpiled in freezers due to lack of demand.” (http://uk.whales.org/news/2013/12/iceland-could-kill-even-more-whales-in-2014)

However when the species are extinct the demand may pick up.

Consumas

“Humanity’s global median trophic level was 2.21 in 2009, which puts us on a par with other omnivores, such as pigs and anchovies, in the global food web. … closer to herbivore than carnivore. … An increase in fat and meat consumption has moved us further up the food web … If we all increase our trophic level, we’ll start to have a bigger impact on ecosystems” (http://www.nature.com/news/humans-are-becoming-more-carnivorous-1.14282)

We may have to rethink pizza toppings.