“Sailors and crews of boats using Inverness ity harbour and marina, and the Kessock Channel, [are asked] to proceed with caution and not to seek out a baby dolphin born in recent days.” (

Invernessity has the mother dol-phinvention.


Despite 40,000 objections, “new laws will now be passed giving automatic access for gas and oil development below 300m.” (

“As the cleanest fossil fuel *gas provides a bridge to much greener future. … By removing barriers to deep underground drilling access, we are speeding up oil and gas and deep geothermal energy exploration.” (

Like the old idiom, barriers (homeowners) will cross that bridge (fossil fuel) when it starts burning.


“Scotland’s renewable electricity generation in the first half of 2014 was 30 per cent higher compared to same period in 2013. This overall increase is primarily due to a 50 per cent increase in hydro generation and a 20 per cent increase in wind output.” (

Who says we’re pissing in the wind?


“The 53-foot trailer, dripping the rancid juices of rotting chicken, was discovered Tuesday near the Flying J Truck Stop west of Missoula. It contained an estimated 37,000lbs of chicken worth $80,000, officials said.” (

It’s not just the truck that carried the chuck,
But the tricklin’ that comes from the chicken.


“The Chinese mitten crab, … named because of a hair-like covering on their claws, was found in the river Clyde in June. … As well as outcompeting other marine life, they cause erosion by damaging riverbanks and impact infrastructure such as dykes when they burrow into them. Research by the Natural History Museum has shown they can eat salmon and trout eggs.” (

Crittur wi’ claw cozies compliant wi’ Caledonian climate.


“Several [US] state governments are forging ahead with their own ambitions for offshore wind farms, and commercial developers say that they could start planting turbines in the ocean as early as next year. … But before the field can take off, proponents will have to prove that offshore wind can compete financially against other energy sources, and can clear the thicket of state and federal regulations that govern projects in coastal waters.” (

As offshore wind power becomes an exploitable resource, these crop allusions will need a turbine harvester.


“Sadly, floods at the [sand lizard] breeding centre in Guildford, caused by unprecedented rainfall earlier this year, drowned them as they hibernated.” (

The reintroduction operation has refocused on amphibians.


“Most people … know so little about the Eurasian lynx (Lynx lynx), which is still present in much of northern and eastern Europe and some southern European countries, that they often first think … about the deodorant rather than the carnivore.” (

Yet lynx should be considerably more welcome than the sickening “noxious smells” produced by Canadian energy company Rathlin’s exploratory gas-drilling site in east Yorkshire where it’s “drilling a 9,000 ft deep ‘wildcat’ bore hole.” (


“The owner of Kestrel Lager supports the RSPB in its efforts to identify the causes of the kestrel population decline.” (

No-one is implicating the lager, by the way – kestrels don’t drink it – but the fewer kestrels going about, the less kestrel juice and then EC directives mean it has to be rebranded.


“Some have estimated that tinkering with Rubisco [the enzyme responsible for converting carbon dioxide into sugar] and ways to boost the concentration of carbon dioxide around it could generate up to a 60% increase in the yields of crops such as rice and wheat.” (

Tinkering: the watchword of genetic modification.