“With a meal like that, it would sit in a cave to digest for about a week and then not need to eat for four to six weeks.” (

After that first week, a wee tipple would be welcome.
Happy Hogmanay.


“They ended up having to fetch chickens out of trees where they’d taken refuge from the floodwaters, and bring them into the restaurant – to the consternation of the chef.” (

Soupe du jour: poulet de la mer

(Did they float or fly? Ingenious creatures.)


“Methane emissions from abandoned [oil and gas] wells will increase total emissions to double that of the oil and gas industry’s current output. … Fossil fuel producers have run off with their cash and left the public purse to clean up their mess.” (

Well – adverb; in a good, proper, appropriate way, so as to bring about a fortunate outcome.


“The nightingale has suffered a 90% reduction in numbers over the past 40 years. … In an attempt to protect the nightingale, the Lodge Hill site [in Medway, Kent] … was named as an SSSI [Site of Special Scientific Interest] … [yet] Medway council prepared plans to build 5,000 homes at Lodge Hill.” (

The stunning development will be called Silent Groves or Nightingale’s End. Advertising is expected along the lines ‘these homes must be seen to be believed’ and ‘only the last few remain’.


“It will probably never be known how the seal came to be some 20 miles inland from the mouth of the Mersey.” (

In an unrelated investigation, local police are seeking information about a string of bicycle thefts in the area.


“The Government has described ancient woods as ‘a natural equivalent to our great churches and castles’ and ‘irreplaceable, living historic monuments’, so we feel it’s only right that wording to describe the treatment of ancient woodland is the same as that for Grade I listed buildings.” (

Viz.: ‘substantial harm to or loss of designated heritage assets of the highest significance … should be holly exceptional.’