I-know-saur

“Despite becoming extinct over 400 years ago, 14 per cent of the respondents believed this flightless bird [the dodo] is currently under threat from hunters. 19% of respondents also listed the population of the dinosaur Brachiosaurus as endangered, and 14% as not endangered. Hundreds of people also wrongly deemed the grey squirrel, crane fly, swan, flamingo and Friesian cow (a typical breed of cattle) as endangered species.” (http://www.wwf.org.uk/about_wwf/press_centre/index.cfm?uNewsID=7557)

Bless the British public and all other ideological dinosaurs still roaming the Earth.

Help us to save Friesian cattle,
From hunters who wickedly battle,
Daisy and her ilk,
To curdle their milk,
And leave their bones to deathly rattle.

Beware, if you walk in the park,
Of dinosaurs chewing the bark.
It wouldn’t take munch,
For you to go crunch,
And find yourself more in the dark.

Shed tears for the endangered crane fly:
The blundering, long-legged pain fly.
It circles your lamp,
Until there’s a thump,
And left on your book is a stain fly.

Beware if you visit the beach,
For dodos have made it their niche.
Your crisps they will snatch,
Your eyes they will scratch,
And on leaving they’ll shit on your peach.

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Rhinocycled

“Two weeks ago the largest seizure of ivory and rhino horn in Mozambique’s history was made from the house of a Chinese national in Maputo. The 1.3 tonnes were poached from 65 rhinoceros and 170 elephants. … Thieves have [subsequently] raided a police storeroom holding Mozambique’s largest ever haul of confiscated rhino horn and ivory, making off with 12 horns valued at around £700,000.” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/may/27/thieves-steal-ivory-rhino-horn-mozambique-police)

This week’s special: double-poached horn, helping to keep illegal animal products out of the waste stream.

Fossil begat Fossil

“The geological record suggests that fossil fuel burning might have eliminated most life on Earth. … During the Permian mass extinction, the eruption of the Siberian Traps through the Tunguska basin seems to have produced between one and two gigatonnes of carbon dioxide a year. Today fossil fuel burning produces 30 gigatonnes a year.” (http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/may/27/threat-islamic-state-fossil-fuel-burning)

Fossil fuel burning caused the mass extinction that created fossils? Actually, yes. Now, how do you feel about history repeating itself?

Scuttle Fish

“Indonesian Maritime Affairs and Fisheries Ministry … blew up 41 illegal foreign fishing vessels. … In an act of ironic repurposing, the boats were downed with relatively weak explosives in order to maintain their shapes as underwater fish-aggregating devices.” (http://news.mongabay.com/2015/0521-kaye-41-vessels-sunk.html)

An ironic reporpoise commented that, in addition to their salvation, the fish were delighted to receive the bonus pollution.

Shady Meals

“You may want to consider whether those coffee or cocoa beans were grown in the shade or open sun. Choosing the shade grown variety can offer huge benefits to tropical birds, their ecosystems and farmers.” (http://news.mongabay.com/2015/0521-buelna-shade-coffee-birds.html)

Look out for coffee and chocolate products sporting the new Shadetrade symbol.

The Doomsday Dance

“The Shell document says: ‘We also do not see governments taking steps now that are consistent with 2 degrees C scenario.'” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/may/17/shell-accused-of-strategy-risking-catastrophic-climate-change)

We’ll happily take a step just as soon as you do.
Well, we’ll happily make a move if you’re all agreed that we should.
You absolutely should so long as it’s unilateral across all companies.
Of course, of course; so you’ll take that step?
We’ll happily take a step just as soon as you do.
Ad apocalypsium.

“If we want to avoid the worst effects of climate change, we need to keep Arctic oil in the ground. Arctic drilling gives us a 75 percent chance of an oil spill and a 100 percent chance of climate catastrophe.” (http://news.mongabay.com/2015/0515-morgan-shell-gets-green-light-for-exploratory-drilling.html)

Rhyming Cygnet

“A poison used on cropland to kill rodents also killed at least a handful of more than 2,000 snow geese that fell dead from the sky in Idaho.” (http://uk.reuters.com/article/2015/05/16/us-usa-geese-idaho-idUKKBN0O100S20150516)

So, how much is a handful of goose?
The eco-detective follows the clues…
Snow fell from the sky like a blanket of fleece.
But how much is a handful of geese?
A poison on crops saves farmers on cats;
A dead goose in the hand’s worth a bushel of rats.