Fondair

“Put in touch with Greenpeace by Klein, Fonda last week called Joanna Kerr, the organisation’s executive director in Canada, and asked what she could do to help in the battle against climate change. Kerr told her there was an event planned in British Columbia at the weekend, and Fonda replied, ‘I’ll book a flight.'” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/jun/15/jane-fonda-shell-arctic-oil-drilling-obama)

A bicycle might have been more in the spirit.

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Deaf to Death

“In a May 2012 report on sonar use, the navy said acoustic sources and sonar more than 2.5 million times annually exposed marine animals to sounds considered ‘disturbing’, while around 500 times a year marine animals were exposed to sound levels that were considered to result in injury. … Even when stranding does not result, military sonar can cause hearing loss and internal injuries to marine mammals that results in death, even if the animal does not end up on shore.” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/jun/14/stranded-whales-ocean-navy-sonars)

‘National Security’ sounds awfully like ‘Irrational Cruelty’.

Polphin

“New species are appearing in the diet of polar bears due to climate change … [such as] the carcasses of two white-beaked dolphins. … A visibly skinny old male bear devours one of the dolphins and appeared to have stored a second one under snow for later.” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/jun/12/polar-bears-eat-dolphins-as-arctic-warms)

Proving you can have your white-beak and eat it.

Climaterialise

“‘Clarity on legal aspects and signs of convergence on contentious issues like differentiation need to materialise as early as possible in order to ensure success in Paris.’ This is precisely what the Bonn [UN climate] talks have now failed to achieve.” (http://www.theecologist.org/News/news_round_up/2904843/germany_takes_the_heat_as_climate_talks_close_with_no_progress.html)

Legal clarity and convergent differentiation are just two oxymorons unlikely to materialise in this planetary emergency.

Tilting at Windmills

“When you’re the leader of Australia you don’t always have the chance to, I think, just have thought bubbles. You’ve got to create investment certainty. What will the renewable energy investors in wind power now think, knowing Australia is run by a bloke who says he doesn’t like windmills?” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/jun/11/windfarms-may-have-potential-health-impacts-tony-abbott-says)

Thought bubbles are caused by inconsistent cranial pressure due to cognitive dissonance, i.e. holding mutually incompatible beliefs, such as ‘climate change isn’t happening, or if it is, it isn’t human-caused, and it’s certainly not Australia’s problem.’ You’re still cactus.

Dodgehog

“In [London’s] Regents Park … [hedgehogs] appear to have learnt to keep clear of the busy roads that are one of the main causes of their decline. … Hedgehogs pinpointed during the survey were found to walk up to 1.5km each night while foraging for slugs, beetles and other invertebrates. … [Researchers] also plan to carry out DNA tests which could reveal if animal-lovers have illicitly released hedgehogs into the park.” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/jun/02/last-hedgehogs-in-central-london-survived-by-learning-to-avoid-roads)

That hedgehog is never illegal,
Nor has DNA from a beagle;
Just a penchant for slugs,
And beetles and bugs,
And cunning defence against seagulls.

But what is it doing in Regents,
Isolated from its legions?
Avoiding the roads,
Say the electrodes,
It’s baffling all the high heidjins.

The scientists track the moving point,
And analyse max point and min point,
But all they can find,
From fingers and spines,
Is hedgehogs are tricky to pinpoint.

‘Mon the hedgehogs!

Planeat

“In rich Western nations, preaching about how eating a lot of meat is bad for both one’s health and the planet provokes resentment. Meanwhile, in developing nations, the rising middle-classes can at last afford to eat more meat, which was previously a luxury. It’s not surprising that governments worldwide duck out of tackling the problem.” (http://positivenews.org.uk/2015/environment/agriculture/17608/eating-meat-save-planet/)

How about tackling the duck?

“Nitrous oxide is found in manure and fertilisers, whereas the methane emissions come from burping cattle and sheep.”

Have to burp ’em, else they swell up and float away. That’s not clouds; that’s methane-high sheep.