Message in a Bottle

“The European Patent Office (EPO) in Munich and the Carlsberg company were sloshed Thursday in an open letter by campaigners opposed to the patenting of plants and animals.” http://www.dw.com/en/carlsberg-urged-by-ngos-to-rethink-beer-ingredient-patents/a-36429622

Someone must have been under the undue influence to decide to allow Heineken and Carlsberg to ‘own’ barley.

Slow Ice

“If a connoisseur is willing to part with serious cash for a tumbler of 50-year-old scotch, … why wouldn’t that same customer opt for a high-end [glacial] ice cube? Because it was formed under tremendous pressure, it is extremely dense and melts more slowly than manufactured ice.” (http://www.theguardian.com/vital-signs/2015/apr/04/svaice-ice-cubes-glacier-melt-cocktails-bars)

Whisky, not glaciers, should be on the rocks.

Batshit

“The welfare of animals at London zoo is being put at risk by drunken visitors at its Friday night parties. … One zookeeper at the penguin beach was asked by a man leaning over the glass barrier, ‘Which penguin can I fight?'” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2014/jul/18/london-zoo-party-night-animal-welfare)

As he was ejected, he protested, “I was only having a giraffe!”