“Fool’s autumn colour is … caused by trees still struggling to cope with a dry summer. They wilt and drop their leaves early to save water.” (

Please be emotionally sensitive if you encounter a tree suffering from premature autumnulation.


Greenland is greening, although very slowly. “Despite this handicap, a key species such as the Arctic dwarf birch could be established over more than 400,000sqkm … by the end of the century.” (

For those of you, like me, with visual artifacting, the Arctic dwarf bitch is also expanding her range. Be wary.


“Few properties are equipped with flood defences such as ‘skirting’ and barriers, in part because owners fear this could put off future buyers” (

Whereas the decking, or ‘jetty’, and the tadpoles in the carpet easily pass inspection.


“Tempers flare as temperatures rise … Small changes in temperature and rainfall substantially raise the risk of conflict of many types, from interpersonal spats … to full-blown civil war and societal collapse” (

Spat power will be harnessed via elaborate Searlesque contraptions in an effort to sustainably supply societal collapse.


“As the amount of Arctic sea ice declines at an unprecedented rate, the thawing of offshore permafrost releases methane,” ( which “increase[s] climate impacts such as flooding, sea level rise, damage to agriculture and human health.” (

Research is underway into the impact of a naked flame.