Slow Ice

“If a connoisseur is willing to part with serious cash for a tumbler of 50-year-old scotch, … why wouldn’t that same customer opt for a high-end [glacial] ice cube? Because it was formed under tremendous pressure, it is extremely dense and melts more slowly than manufactured ice.” (http://www.theguardian.com/vital-signs/2015/apr/04/svaice-ice-cubes-glacier-melt-cocktails-bars)

Whisky, not glaciers, should be on the rocks.

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Dyspepsic

“Activists hijack Pepsi’s new product launch on Amazon over deforestation… ‘Pepsi could be a leader in sustainability, could rise above its competitors and do the right thing, but instead it has relied on half measures’.” (http://news.mongabay.com/2014/1120-pepsi-true-palm-oil.html#sthash.MP9SvURr.dpbs)

A full measure of your finest unsustainable palm oil, and make it sparkly!

Batshit

“The welfare of animals at London zoo is being put at risk by drunken visitors at its Friday night parties. … One zookeeper at the penguin beach was asked by a man leaning over the glass barrier, ‘Which penguin can I fight?'” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2014/jul/18/london-zoo-party-night-animal-welfare)

As he was ejected, he protested, “I was only having a giraffe!”