Wateur

“The European commission believes the new measures will reduce potential health risks associated with drinking water from 4% to below 1%.” https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2018/feb/01/eu-measure-demands-rise-in-public-fountains-to-cut-bottle-waste

Now you can have 99 gulps before getting sick rather than 24, water companies are planning to market this as “99 slake“.

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Dietary Fibre

“How microplastics end up in drinking water is for now a mystery, but the atmosphere is one obvious source, with fibres shed by the everyday wear and tear of clothes and carpets. … This research only scratches the surface, but it seems to be a very itchy one.” https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2017/sep/06/plastic-fibres-found-tap-water-around-world-study-reveals

And each scratch releases another 50,000 plastic microfibres for us to inhale.

Polystein

“Microbeads and fragments that fish eat typically pass through their bodies and are excreted. But [microplastic] fibres are becoming enmeshed in gastrointestinal tracts of some fish. … There is also a chance that fibres are in drinking water piped from the lakes. … Two dozen varieties of German beer contained microplastics.” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/jan/09/great-lakes-plastic-microfibre-pollution-us)

A pint of your finest plastener lager, or Lego Brecks, if you please.

Dribble

“The American Farm Bureau Federation has claimed on its website and elsewhere that EPA would take over all farming and land use, control ‘virtually all water,’ and even regulate puddles and wet spots.” (http://www.nrdc.org/media/2014/140715.asp)

The American ‘puddle’ is of course 20 fluid ponds, while the British ‘puddle’ is defined as three to five cubic centidrips, must contain at least 85% water and must remain in place for at least six months of the year. Seasonal puddles are not regulated.

Reconstitute

“Salt water and sunlight can yield food and clean water in a self-sustaining cycle. … One cubic metre of fog can contain up to 0.5 grams of liquid water, and harvesting it is relatively easy.” (http://www.nature.com/news/the-parched-planet-water-on-tap-1.15411)

Ingenious careers in aquatic abstraction: sea sweating and fog wringing.

Quake

A government representative “dismissed concerns over water pollution from fracking in the UK, and the very small earthquakes caused … ‘It will not contaminate water supplies. It will not cause dangerous earthquakes.'” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2013/sep/09/fracking-shale-gas-ed-davey-climate-change)

Just non-dangerous ones.