“The Global Seed Vault, buried in a mountain deep inside the Arctic circle, has been breached after global warming produced extraordinary temperatures over the winter, sending meltwater gushing into the entrance tunnel.”

The facility was swiftly renamed the Global Sprout Vault – vault as in spring.


“Hidden under the house and its wraparound porch are steel pontoons filled with Styrofoam. These can lift the structure three meters off the ground if this area, two hours north of Bangkok, floods.” (

At the first sign of monsoon, residents will be alerted to drop anchor. Restrictions will also be placed on paddling upmarket.

Showing great confidence in the curative power of sea air,
“Bangkok is now taking bids for the construction of a 300-bed hospital for the elderly that will be built four meters above the ground, supported by a structure set on flood-prone land near shrimp and sea-salt farms.”


“They ended up having to fetch chickens out of trees where they’d taken refuge from the floodwaters, and bring them into the restaurant – to the consternation of the chef.” (

Soupe du jour: poulet de la mer

(Did they float or fly? Ingenious creatures.)

El Miño

“Children in areas apparently hardest hit by floods were 4 cm (1.6 inches) shorter than normal by the age of 10. Stunting has been linked with decreased mental and physical capacity in later life.” (

Climate change: it’s sink or shrink.


Miami Beach is “retrofitting 300 outflow valves that allow stormwater to drain into the bay, inserting plugs to prevent the reverse flow of sea water. Dunes are being reinforced with sea oats and engineers are looking into pumping water into underground storage.” (

Porridge has long been known to be as effective as concrete.


“Sadly, floods at the [sand lizard] breeding centre in Guildford, caused by unprecedented rainfall earlier this year, drowned them as they hibernated.” (

The reintroduction operation has refocused on amphibians.


“The RAC is warning motorists of the risk of driving through deep floodwater. … ‘While cars have improved significantly in technical terms in recent years they are still not waterproof and will break down if they are driven through deep water.'” (

The ministry for stating the bleeding obvious added the reminder that humans are not amphibious.