How Not To Lead

“Dapu’s lead problem made national headlines last June in an expose by state broadcaster CCTV, in which the head of the township was shown saying children might have raised their own lead levels by chewing on pencils.” (http://uk.reuters.com/article/2015/05/05/us-china-environment-idUKKBN0NQ2AA20150505)

HB, 2B etc. pencils will now be labelled Pb and will only write on roofs.

Spersticide

“Research by Harvard University found that men who ate the greatest amount of fruit and vegetables with high levels of pesticide residue had a 49% lower sperm count and a 32% fewer normally formed sperm than those who consumed the least.” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/mar/31/pesticide-residue-food-sperm-quality-harvard)

Feminists applauded the report for demonstrating that libidinous males are pests.

Ducketician

“Uneaten bread causes algal blooms, allows bacteria to breed and attracts rats and other vermin. … Swap it for healthier more natural treats like oats, corn, or defrosted frozen peas. And exercise portion control.” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/mar/16/dont-feed-the-ducks-bread-say-conservationists)

Water fowl concoction.

Mispenised

European Commission sources say that a EU paper on hormone-mimicking, endocrine-disrupting chemicals (EDCs) was buried by top EU officials under pressure from big chemical firms which use EDCs in toiletries, plastics and cosmetics.
“Scientific evidence … suggests that endocrine-disrupting effects, such as lowered sperm counts, genital malformations, non-descended testes and misplaced penis holes, are increasing.” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/feb/02/suppressed-eu-report-could-have-banned-pesticides-worth-billions)

The misplaced penis holes running the big chemical companies denied any such toxic behaviour.

Fraxic

“Unconventional oil and natural gas [fracking] operations release large amounts of reproductive, immunological, and neurological toxicants, carcinogens as well as endocrine disrupting chemicals (EDCs) into the environment that may negatively affect human health.” (http://www.theecologist.org/News/news_round_up/2677207/miscarriage_and_stillbirth_linked_to_fracking_chemical_exposure.html)

The inconvenience of any such negative effects is generously compensated by the cash that fracking companies offer local communities.

El Miño

“Children in areas apparently hardest hit by floods were 4 cm (1.6 inches) shorter than normal by the age of 10. Stunting has been linked with decreased mental and physical capacity in later life.” (http://uk.reuters.com/article/2014/11/25/us-climatechange-peru-idUKKCN0J902K20141125)

Climate change: it’s sink or shrink.

Global warning

“Officials in San Francisco and Berkeley are considering … [a] move to require warnings about climate change to be placed at gas pumps at filling stations.” (http://uk.reuters.com/article/2014/11/20/us-usa-climatechange-california-idUKKCN0J401D20141120)

Petrol can seriously damage your health.