Dodgehog

“In [London’s] Regents Park … [hedgehogs] appear to have learnt to keep clear of the busy roads that are one of the main causes of their decline. … Hedgehogs pinpointed during the survey were found to walk up to 1.5km each night while foraging for slugs, beetles and other invertebrates. … [Researchers] also plan to carry out DNA tests which could reveal if animal-lovers have illicitly released hedgehogs into the park.” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/jun/02/last-hedgehogs-in-central-london-survived-by-learning-to-avoid-roads)

That hedgehog is never illegal,
Nor has DNA from a beagle;
Just a penchant for slugs,
And beetles and bugs,
And cunning defence against seagulls.

But what is it doing in Regents,
Isolated from its legions?
Avoiding the roads,
Say the electrodes,
It’s baffling all the high heidjins.

The scientists track the moving point,
And analyse max point and min point,
But all they can find,
From fingers and spines,
Is hedgehogs are tricky to pinpoint.

‘Mon the hedgehogs!

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I-know-saur

“Despite becoming extinct over 400 years ago, 14 per cent of the respondents believed this flightless bird [the dodo] is currently under threat from hunters. 19% of respondents also listed the population of the dinosaur Brachiosaurus as endangered, and 14% as not endangered. Hundreds of people also wrongly deemed the grey squirrel, crane fly, swan, flamingo and Friesian cow (a typical breed of cattle) as endangered species.” (http://www.wwf.org.uk/about_wwf/press_centre/index.cfm?uNewsID=7557)

Bless the British public and all other ideological dinosaurs still roaming the Earth.

Help us to save Friesian cattle,
From hunters who wickedly battle,
Daisy and her ilk,
To curdle their milk,
And leave their bones to deathly rattle.

Beware, if you walk in the park,
Of dinosaurs chewing the bark.
It wouldn’t take munch,
For you to go crunch,
And find yourself more in the dark.

Shed tears for the endangered crane fly:
The blundering, long-legged pain fly.
It circles your lamp,
Until there’s a thump,
And left on your book is a stain fly.

Beware if you visit the beach,
For dodos have made it their niche.
Your crisps they will snatch,
Your eyes they will scratch,
And on leaving they’ll shit on your peach.

Elephibeean

“Research on elephant behavior has shown that playbacks of African bees can produce alarm calls and retreat in African elephants [and] frog playbacks [may] protect water towers, as frogs can reportedly get stuck in an elephant’s trunk while drinking.” (http://news.mongabay.com/2015/0430-wildtech-hahn-elephant-warning-system.html)

I drink, as you know, through my nose;
I snort and then squirt like a hose.
But you’d say I’m drunk,
If I told you my trunk,
Holds a family of dope-flavoured toads.