Vegetable Clients

“Granting rights to nature would ‘open the courtroom doors to radical environmentalist lawyers’ who’d ‘fire a continual barrage of lawsuits to uphold the rights of their animal and vegetable clients.” …
‘Each time there is a movement to confer rights onto some new ‘entity,’ the proposal is bound to sound odd or frightening or laughable'” https://www.motherjones.com/environment/2019/07/a-new-wave-of-environmentalists-want-to-give-nature-legal-rights/

M’on the conifer rights!

‘Orseland

“Iceland has gone to great lengths to demonstrate that nay, their beefburgers do not contain horse.” (https://raptorpersecutionscotland.wordpress.com/2015/09/22/iceland-food-you-can-trust/)

Good foals make good neigh burgers.

Coaly Hell

“Gore and Blood said the impact of coal’s combustion on the climate and the air pollution it generates were already responsible for devastating the lives the industry claims to have improved.” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/apr/16/al-gore-coal-industry-campaign-on-energy-poverty-is-extremely-misleading)

The climate change debate just got grisly.

Pest Milk

“U.S. consumer groups, scientists and food companies are testing substances ranging from breakfast cereal to breast milk for residues of the world’s most widely used herbicide on rising concerns over its possible links to disease.” (http://uk.reuters.com/article/2015/04/10/us-food-agriculture-glyphosate-idUKKBN0N029H20150410)

Too much herbicide residue to be baby-safe? Tackle those weeds with it!

Avoid chemical residues with organic groceries from Ethical Superstore.

Slow Ice

“If a connoisseur is willing to part with serious cash for a tumbler of 50-year-old scotch, … why wouldn’t that same customer opt for a high-end [glacial] ice cube? Because it was formed under tremendous pressure, it is extremely dense and melts more slowly than manufactured ice.” (http://www.theguardian.com/vital-signs/2015/apr/04/svaice-ice-cubes-glacier-melt-cocktails-bars)

Whisky, not glaciers, should be on the rocks.

Agricoilture

“The industry has received scrutiny for how it disposes of undrinkable water produced during oil drilling. … In many instances, that water is provided to agriculture to grow crops.” (http://uk.reuters.com/article/2015/04/02/us-usa-drought-california-oil-idUKKBN0MT05K20150402)

Another example of industry generously oiling the wheels, weeds and weevils.

Spersticide

“Research by Harvard University found that men who ate the greatest amount of fruit and vegetables with high levels of pesticide residue had a 49% lower sperm count and a 32% fewer normally formed sperm than those who consumed the least.” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/mar/31/pesticide-residue-food-sperm-quality-harvard)

Feminists applauded the report for demonstrating that libidinous males are pests.