Smelly Plants

“The Scottish Environment Protection Agency (Sepa) has named 383 plants guilty of leaks, pongs and breaches in 2015.” (http://www.heraldscotland.com/news/environment/14884352.Exposed__the_383_plants_that_pollute_Scotland/)

Have we passed peak pong,
Or is this leak long?
Time we pung out those leeches –
Show them who wears the breeches!
Will SEPA make speeches
Or fight them on the breaches?

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Goosed

“The nuclear industry and the government claim Hinkley is a good option if we want to ‘keep the lights on’ – but is it really the golden goose they claim it to be?” (http://www.greenpeace.org.uk/blog/nuclear/five-reasons-why-hinkley-not-golden-goose-20160811)

Don’t be fooled by a tasty goose;
You’ll only get a basted noose.
The government’s playing fast and loose,
Through foreign investors’ ghastly truce,
With failed technology that faced misuse.
So even if it bakes your hoose,
All you’ll get from this hasty ruse,
Is wasted chance and pricey juice.
Whatever government excuse,
In truth, it’s all pure nasty goose.

Stuff the goose: please sign and share Greenpeace’s petition.

Dodgehog

“In [London’s] Regents Park … [hedgehogs] appear to have learnt to keep clear of the busy roads that are one of the main causes of their decline. … Hedgehogs pinpointed during the survey were found to walk up to 1.5km each night while foraging for slugs, beetles and other invertebrates. … [Researchers] also plan to carry out DNA tests which could reveal if animal-lovers have illicitly released hedgehogs into the park.” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/jun/02/last-hedgehogs-in-central-london-survived-by-learning-to-avoid-roads)

That hedgehog is never illegal,
Nor has DNA from a beagle;
Just a penchant for slugs,
And beetles and bugs,
And cunning defence against seagulls.

But what is it doing in Regents,
Isolated from its legions?
Avoiding the roads,
Say the electrodes,
It’s baffling all the high heidjins.

The scientists track the moving point,
And analyse max point and min point,
But all they can find,
From fingers and spines,
Is hedgehogs are tricky to pinpoint.

‘Mon the hedgehogs!

I-know-saur

“Despite becoming extinct over 400 years ago, 14 per cent of the respondents believed this flightless bird [the dodo] is currently under threat from hunters. 19% of respondents also listed the population of the dinosaur Brachiosaurus as endangered, and 14% as not endangered. Hundreds of people also wrongly deemed the grey squirrel, crane fly, swan, flamingo and Friesian cow (a typical breed of cattle) as endangered species.” (http://www.wwf.org.uk/about_wwf/press_centre/index.cfm?uNewsID=7557)

Bless the British public and all other ideological dinosaurs still roaming the Earth.

Help us to save Friesian cattle,
From hunters who wickedly battle,
Daisy and her ilk,
To curdle their milk,
And leave their bones to deathly rattle.

Beware, if you walk in the park,
Of dinosaurs chewing the bark.
It wouldn’t take munch,
For you to go crunch,
And find yourself more in the dark.

Shed tears for the endangered crane fly:
The blundering, long-legged pain fly.
It circles your lamp,
Until there’s a thump,
And left on your book is a stain fly.

Beware if you visit the beach,
For dodos have made it their niche.
Your crisps they will snatch,
Your eyes they will scratch,
And on leaving they’ll shit on your peach.

Rhyming Cygnet

“A poison used on cropland to kill rodents also killed at least a handful of more than 2,000 snow geese that fell dead from the sky in Idaho.” (http://uk.reuters.com/article/2015/05/16/us-usa-geese-idaho-idUKKBN0O100S20150516)

So, how much is a handful of goose?
The eco-detective follows the clues…
Snow fell from the sky like a blanket of fleece.
But how much is a handful of geese?
A poison on crops saves farmers on cats;
A dead goose in the hand’s worth a bushel of rats.

Umped

“Carbon reserves were becoming more concentrated at the top as fossil fuel companies struggling with slumps in coal and oil markets merged. … Investors who dumped their fossil fuel holdings over the past five years actually earned 1.2% a year more than those remaining in coal, oil and gas.” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/apr/19/carbon-reserves-held-by-top-fossil-fuel-companies-soar)

Fossil fuel dumps and coal and oil slumps
Give billionaires grumps as their gravy gets lumps.

Nattering

“A new technique to help work out how many natterjack toads are left in Scotland … involves using the unique yellow stripe and patters of warts on individual toads to identify them.” (http://www.rspb.org.uk/media/releases/379805-warts-and-all)

This matter of toads
That natter by roads
Ain’t chatter of maws
But patter of warts!