Cetacean Conscription

“According to media reports from Russia, captured beluga whales are to be used to guard naval bases, assist military divers and help kill enemy intruders. … The beluga’s highly sensitive sonar capability made them potentially suitable for guarding the waters around the entrances to naval facilities.” http://uk.whales.org/news/2017/06/captured-beluga-whales-forced-into-military-service

Since they’re already white, is it possible that Beluga whales are concetaceaous objectors?

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Dermatundra

“Russian scientists have mapped out 7,000 dirt-covered mounds in Siberia, which have mysteriously taken shape in the otherwise flat tundra landscape. Some are slowly filling up with pressurised carbon dioxide and methane, with some on the verge of exploding.” https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/11/finland-voices-concern-over-us-and-russian-climate-change-doubters

In a fair world, climate change deniers would be the first victims of bursting Siberian acne.

Not-so-permafrost

“Anthrax spores can survive in frozen human and animal remains for hundreds of years, waiting to be released by a thaw. … The warmer climate has begun thawing the permafrost soil that covers much of Russia, including cemeteries and animal burial grounds. Thawing permafrost has also led to greater erosion of river banks where nomads often buried their dead.” (https://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/aug/01/anthrax-outbreak-climate-change-arctic-circle-russia)

Bothered? Nothing to worry about. Not like we forgot something in the deep freeze. Apart from the anthrax. And that methane that keeps bubbling up and exploding. No radioactive remnants, no, nothing like that.

Ecoalogical

“Participants in the Kemerovo programme will shed the pounds through sports activities and by trying various diets. … In return they will get the wealth of the region – top-grade, high-calorie coal.” (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-news-from-elsewhere-34869151)

Ideal for those who think shiny, coal-like silicon implants will enhance their beauty as much as silicone. Probably not worth trying to explain that eating coal still produces CO2.

Crater

“A mystery crater spotted in the frozen Yamal peninsula in Siberia earlier this month was probably caused by methane released as permafrost thawed, researchers in Russia say. … Since the crater was reported, local reindeer herders have noted a similar but smaller hole nearby.” (http://www.nature.com/news/mysterious-siberian-crater-attributed-to-methane-1.15649)

The reindeer resent any implication that, as grazers, they could be responsible for any methane production.

Coldphins

“Ukraine’s military leaders have requested that Russia return ‘its’ dolphins, which fell into Russian hands when Crimea was annexed back in March.” (http://uk.whales.org/news/2014/07/ukraine-asks-russia-to-return-military-dolphins)

The handover will be made on the Glienicke Bridge, in exchange for code-breaking squirrels.