Peelyethylene

“Prepacked orange segments … last about four days whereas a whole orange can last months. Compare the environmental lifetime of orange peel (months) and polyethylene (effectively eternity) – all for the convenience of not peeling an orange.” http://theconversation.com/plastic-packaging-is-often-pollution-for-profit-95015

But with the ‘prepared’ orange, you get the bonus chance of discovering some overworked, underpaid, abused, injured, migrant worker’s blue plaster.

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Polarised

“Nuclear reactors bobbing around the Arctic Ocean will pose a shockingly obvious threat to a fragile environment which is already under enormous pressure from climate change. … [The Lomonosov] is designed with the great margin of safety that exceeds all possible threats and makes nuclear reactors invincible for tsunamis and other natural disasters.” https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/floating-nuclear-power-plant-russia-floating-chernobyl-nuclear-titanic-akademik-lomonosov-launch-a8327316.html

Russian roulette anyone?

Epic Fell

“Network Rail admits the vast majority of the trees are healthy. It defended the felling, saying its new tree database of hotspot problem trees has “revolutionised” its approach to “vegetation management” to cut delays and risks to passengers from tree branches.
The company said the average tree had between 10 and 50,000 leaves, any or all of which could fall on the line.” https://www.theguardian.com/business/2018/apr/29/millions-of-trees-at-risk-in-secretive-network-rail-felling-programme

Phase two will see concrete ‘icing’ applied to trackside bankings to stop the unforeseen mass erosion of soil burying lines.

Tax Relief

“‘North Sea operators have paid over £330 billion of tax since the 1970s at tax rates significantly higher than onshore companies, therefore allowing tax relief on decommissioning ensures a fair tax system that gives companies good incentives to maximise economic recovery.’ [UK government’s department for business, energy and industrial strategy]
What is that justifying or explaining? Because oil and gas companies have paid due taxes on eye-watering profits in the past, the government can use taxpayers’ money for future decommissioning costs?” http://theconversation.com/i-asked-uk-government-why-its-spending-25-billion-dismantling-oil-platforms-heres-the-reply-94786

The UK government similarly applauds oil and gas companies for their impressive profits from contributing so generously to air quality and climate change.

Hare-brained

“The Scottish Gamekeepers Association even warn that: ‘… The over-grazing damage was caused solely by mountain hares.'” https://www.onekind.scot/killing-mountain-hares-is-not-conservation/

The lack of native vegetation can in no way be attributed to (a) plagues of red grouse or (b) regular torching with accelerants.

Bottom Feeders

“The bottom line is that we need a market outlet for these calves: if it’s not economic to rear them, farmers won’t. … Ultimately the answer lies with consumers in the purchasing decisions they make.” https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2018/apr/10/farming-groups-take-steps-to-stop-slaughter-of-male-dairy-calves

Farming ethics based on consumer demand and economics have never been so well encapsulated in male calves’ rear outlets.

Aqua Vitae

“If trends persist, the amount of pharmaceutical effluence leaching into waterways could increase by two-thirds before 2050 … A large number of drugs – analgesics, antibiotics, anti-platelet agents, hormones, psychiatric drugs, antihistamines – have been found at levels dangerous for wildlife.” https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2018/apr/11/drug-waste-clogs-rivers-around-the-world-scientists-say

If we can just pump enough medication into our drinking water, the human population will become completely healthy.