Poached

“Hundreds of spring Chinook salmon have been found dead in Oregon rivers over the past week, in a sign that abnormally high water temperatures are taking a toll on the threatened species.” (http://uk.reuters.com/article/2015/06/19/us-usa-oregon-salmon-idUKKBN0OZ2L420150619)

Local wild parsley was also wilting.

Partigator

Alligators and some turtles “produce offspring whose gender is determined by temperature. These species are considered to be especially vulnerable to climate warming, because at higher temperatures they produce only one sex.” (http://www.bbc.co.uk/nature/28212783)

Did anyone foresee that climate change could bring one-gendered hemi-populations of angry, hormonal reptiles?

Fantastic

“Remember that for humans, the biggest cause of death is cold in winter, far bigger than heat in summer. [Climate change] would also lead to longer growing seasons and you could extend growing a little further north into some of the colder areas.” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2013/sep/30/owen-paterson-minister-climate-change-advantages)

In which world?

Strine

“In Australia, an increase in the frequency and intensity of heatwaves is expected to lead to more heat-related deaths, while warmer temperatures, changing rainfall and an influx of pests will ‘negatively impact’ many temperate crops, such as fruit and nuts.” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2013/sep/27/climate-change-report-hotter-australia)

I believe the vernacular is ‘cactus’.

Dwarf

Greenland is greening, although very slowly. “Despite this handicap, a key species such as the Arctic dwarf birch could be established over more than 400,000sqkm … by the end of the century.” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2013/aug/28/climate-change-greenland-green)

For those of you, like me, with visual artifacting, the Arctic dwarf bitch is also expanding her range. Be wary.

Temperate

“Tempers flare as temperatures rise … Small changes in temperature and rainfall substantially raise the risk of conflict of many types, from interpersonal spats … to full-blown civil war and societal collapse” (http://www.nature.com/news/warming-climate-drives-human-conflict-1.13464)

Spat power will be harnessed via elaborate Searlesque contraptions in an effort to sustainably supply societal collapse.