SnotBot

“The SnotBot is a small drone that can hover over a whale and then collect samples of snot, or whale blow [which] can reveal information about the whale’s DNA, metabolism, health, hormones and stress. …
This kind of non-invasive research is in stark contrast to the whale research undertaken by Japan, whose vessels have just left port once again to kill whales so that they can be dissected and supposedly studied for scientific reasons.” http://uk.whales.org/news/2017/06/whale-snot-secrets-revealed-by-flying-robot

Whaling also blows.

Cetacean Conscription

“According to media reports from Russia, captured beluga whales are to be used to guard naval bases, assist military divers and help kill enemy intruders. … The beluga’s highly sensitive sonar capability made them potentially suitable for guarding the waters around the entrances to naval facilities.” http://uk.whales.org/news/2017/06/captured-beluga-whales-forced-into-military-service

Since they’re already white, is it possible that Beluga whales are concetaceaous objectors?

Hard to Swhallow

“A Norwegian whaler featured in the documentary declares openly that female minke whales are usually pregnant when they come to Norwegian waters.
The news piece suggests that most of the time each female adult whale killed represents two whales caught as the vast majority have a fetus in their stomach.” http://uk.whales.org/news/2017/03/new-documentary-reveals-that-majority-of-minke-whales-caught-by-norway-are-pregnant

Whalers’ knowledge of anatomy is as polished as their morality.

Sick Squid

The Cuvier’s beaked whale’s stomach was full of plastic bags and packaging with labels in Danish and English. … The whale may have mistaken them for squid which they usually prey on. http://uk.whales.org/news/2017/02/beaked-whale-in-norway-had-30-plastic-bags-in-stomach

A spokesperson for the food packaging industry said there was really nothing more it could do, since all plastic wrapping already carries the explicit warning “not squid” in both Danish and English.

Belugared

Georgia “Aquarium had been trying to overturn a US federal decision which initially denied its request to import 18 [beluga] whales captured in Sea of Okhotsk, Russia. … That original refusal to allow a permit has now been upheld and delivers a significant blow to the captivity industry in the US.” (http://uk.whales.org/news/2015/09/us-aquarium-loses-court-battle-to-import-beluga-whales)

Thus leaving the captivity industry looking rather like a blow hole.

Beluga Wail

“[Georgia] aquarium argues introducing new belugas into the captive population in the US would diversify the gene pool, make the population more stable and broaden the database of research on belugas’ needs and capabilities. … ‘If we don’t win here, the population of belugas in human care in North America would eventually cease to exist,’ [a Georgia Aquarium spokesperson] said. ‘It’s just not currently a sustainable population.'” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/aug/08/aquarium-legal-battle-beluga-whales-russia)

The animal rights movement once again overlooks the plight of shareholders, or ‘human carers’.

Suctacean

“A team used GPS technology and suction cups to track how the giant mammals respond when a vessel is barreling toward them. … Blue whales, instead of diving sharply, responded to approaching ships by descending gradually at a rate of just over a foot and a half (0.5 meter) per second, and did not try swimming to one side.” (http://uk.reuters.com/article/2015/05/11/us-usa-whales-ships-idUKKBN0NW28820150511)

Herr Heisenberg once again explains that by encrusting a whale with suction cups you also slightly destroy its gliding agility and usually placid nature.