Retrospective

“The coal ignition triggered the series of events that led to Earth’s worst mass extinction. Its sulfur emissions created the acid rain that killed forests. Its carbon emissions acidified the oceans and warmed the planet, killing most marine life. The dead bodies fed bacteria that produced toxic hydrogen sulfide gas, which in turn killed off more species. The warming of the oceans produced a large methane release, which accelerated global warming faster yet.” https://www.theguardian.com/environment/climate-consensus-97-per-cent/2018/mar/12/burning-coal-may-have-caused-earths-worst-mass-extinction

Any similarity to actual current events is entirely coincidental.

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Storm goes up to Six

“Climate scientists meeting at a conference in the New Zealand city of Wellington have floated the idea of creating a category six to reflect the increasing severity of tropical cyclones in the wake of warming sea temperatures and climate change.” https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2018/feb/22/category-six-storms-cyclones

Unfortunately the floating idea was quickly inundated by a small, localised whirlpool of category zero point one.

Troublespeak

“…the language used by some [US] federal employees around climate change. … terms that should be avoided by staff and those that should replace them. “Climate change” is in the “avoid” category, to be replaced by “weather extremes”. Instead of “climate change adaption”, staff are asked to use “resilience to weather extremes”.” https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2017/aug/07/usda-climate-change-language-censorship-emails

“Evidence” is to be replaced by “fake news”, “science” is to be replaced by “Chinese conspiracy”, and “experts” should not be used, but instead “communist libertarians.”

Norbic

“At a meeting in Bergen, Norway, to discuss cooperation among their countries, the five heads of government came up with their own version of the [Riyadh orb] photo. …
‘In the lower [photo] are the five Nordic prime ministers, holding a ball with the sustainability goals. We’re hoping they’ll be a roadmap for the future.'” https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/31/nordic-prime-ministers-troll-trumps-viral-orb-photograph

World leaders actually grasping the future? Bless the Nordics.

Germafrost

“The Global Seed Vault, buried in a mountain deep inside the Arctic circle, has been breached after global warming produced extraordinary temperatures over the winter, sending meltwater gushing into the entrance tunnel.” https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2017/may/19/arctic-stronghold-of-worlds-seeds-flooded-after-permafrost-melts

The facility was swiftly renamed the Global Sprout Vault – vault as in spring.

Climate clinch

“All of the UK is on track to see rises in high winds except the south and south-west, with the greatest impact across the Midlands, Yorkshire and Northern Ireland.” https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2017/may/15/uk-faces-sharp-rise-destructive-wind-storms-global-warming

Westminster’s climate reckless policies are vindicated.

Dermatundra

“Russian scientists have mapped out 7,000 dirt-covered mounds in Siberia, which have mysteriously taken shape in the otherwise flat tundra landscape. Some are slowly filling up with pressurised carbon dioxide and methane, with some on the verge of exploding.” https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/11/finland-voices-concern-over-us-and-russian-climate-change-doubters

In a fair world, climate change deniers would be the first victims of bursting Siberian acne.