Average Motion

“Cuadrilla said it appreciated the tremor [of 2.9 magnitude] had ’caused concern for local people’ and said ‘it is worth noting that this event lasted for around a second and the average ground motion recorded was 5mm per second. … This is about a third of that permitted for construction projects.'” https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lancashire-49471321

However, there is a much higher requirement for destruction projects.

Solar Flannel

“About 100 solar panels at the trackside site will supply renewable electricity to power the signalling and lights on Network Rail’s Wessex route.” https://www.theguardian.com/business/2019/aug/22/rail-line-in-hampshire-is-worlds-first-to-be-powered-by-solar-farm

Network Rail adds a new conker to its armoury of pitiful excuses for delays: ‘cloud’.

“There is also scope for solar trams in Edinburgh, Glasgow…”

Scope is what you’ll need to magnify the one photon of sunlight in Scotland.

Seagrass Diet

“The [bonnethead shark] successfully digested the seagrass with enzymes that broke down components of the plants, such as starch and cellulose. Lacking the kind of teeth best suited for mastication, the fish may rely on strong stomach acids to weaken the plants’ cells so the enzymes can have their digestive effects. In all, more than half of the organic material locked up in the seagrass was digested by the sharks, putting them on a par with young green sea turtles.” https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2018/sep/05/bonnethead-omnivorous-shark-species-identified

Even sharks are adopting a reduced meat diet.

Did you spot that this ‘news’ is exactly one year ‘olds’?

Vegetable Clients

“Granting rights to nature would ‘open the courtroom doors to radical environmentalist lawyers’ who’d ‘fire a continual barrage of lawsuits to uphold the rights of their animal and vegetable clients.” …
‘Each time there is a movement to confer rights onto some new ‘entity,’ the proposal is bound to sound odd or frightening or laughable'” https://www.motherjones.com/environment/2019/07/a-new-wave-of-environmentalists-want-to-give-nature-legal-rights/

M’on the conifer rights!

Air on the Water

“In May the PLA [Port of London Authority] released its own air quality strategy for the Thames, including targets to cut NOx and particulates by half over the next 25 years.
Such measures are already being implemented in the Thames Clippers, but critics have pointed out that even with these changes pollution levels would still far exceed those of road vehicles.
“To me it’s weak – it’s a lot of smoke and mirrors to say they are doing something.”” https://www.independent.co.uk/environment/air-pollution-river-thames-boats-transport-shipping-ferries-nitrogen-dioxide-sadiq-khan-a8411561.html

The mirrors are making the smoke seem twice as bad as it actually is.

Dead Dolphilia

“By far, the world’s largest kill of dolphins and small whales is in Peru, where up to 15,000 dolphins are killed annually to be used as bait in shark fisheries. … The reasons differ from country to country; human consumption, use as bait, traditional medicines/amulets, currency, waterproofing, sexual gratification or the elimination of a perceived competitor for declining resources.” https://uk.whales.org/blog/2018/08/new-report-reveals-100000-dolphins-and-small-whales-hunted-every-year

The many cruel and unusual ways humanity revels in the slaughter of others.

Hare Today

“From 1954 to 1999 the mountain hare population on moorland sites decreased by nearly 5% every year, which ecologists attributed to the planting of conifer forests on former grouse moors. But from 1999 to 2017 the scale of the moorland declines increased dramatically to over 30% every year, leading to counts in 2017 of less than 1% of original levels in 1954.

David Noble, chairman of the Game and Wildlife Conservation Trust in Scotland, said data gathered by the GWCT over the same period as the study does not suggest such a decline in hare numbers on grouse moors.
“…we look forward to reviewing it, especially how the counts were made, because assessing hare numbers accurately is challenging.”” https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2018/aug/14/scotlands-mountain-hare-population-severe-decline

Especially when you’re lucky to see even one.

“Whilst hares can benefit from the intensive management intended for grouse (hare declines were lowest on grouse moors up to 1999) this is only when they are not being culled.” http://ww2.rspb.org.uk/community/ourwork/b/scotland/archive/2018/08/14/catastrophic-declines-of-mountain-hares-what-rspb-scotland-believes-should-happen-next.aspx

Biddable Binners

Rooks “will be encouraged to spruce up the park through the use of a small box that delivers a nugget of bird food each time the rook deposits a cigarette end or small piece of rubbish.” https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/aug/11/rook-at-this-mess-french-park-trains-crows-to-pick-up-litter

We could simplify the process by rationing litterers’ food, and only issue them with pellets in return for tidying.

Intruder a Llama

“One farmer has spent 18 months surrounding his 4,500 acres with ditches and barriers to deter criminals from hare coursing and fly-tipping.
Others are using animals including geese, llamas and dogs as a low-tech alarm system, much as landowners did hundreds of years ago. …
Thefts of large numbers of lamb have raised concerns that stock is being stolen for slaughter and processing outside regulated abattoirs before illegally entering the food chain.” https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2018/aug/06/farmers-using-medieval-methods-to-combat-rural

Barmier llama farmers, though calmer with balmier weather, still raise a lamb at farm harmers…