Wrong Type of Heat

“Transport officials said rails under direct sunshine might reach 20C (68F) above the surrounding air temperature, causing the steel to expand – raising concern that rails will buckle as temperatures soar.” https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/06/26/uk-weather-railway-slowdown-stop-tracks-buckling-heatwave-set/

Network Rail assured passengers that slowing trains to mitigate this risk was in no way a consequence of going berserk with the chainsaw in the spring and removing all those miles of shady mature tree cover.

Epic Fell

“Network Rail admits the vast majority of the trees are healthy. It defended the felling, saying its new tree database of hotspot problem trees has “revolutionised” its approach to “vegetation management” to cut delays and risks to passengers from tree branches.
The company said the average tree had between 10 and 50,000 leaves, any or all of which could fall on the line.” https://www.theguardian.com/business/2018/apr/29/millions-of-trees-at-risk-in-secretive-network-rail-felling-programme

Phase two will see concrete ‘icing’ applied to trackside bankings to stop the unforeseen mass erosion of soil burying lines.

Rustled

“Sheffield City Council contractors have carried out a pre-dawn raid on Rustlings Road and removed seven mature trees.” (http://www.woodlandtrust.org.uk/blogs/woodland-trust/2016/11/sheffield-street-trees/)

The street has been renamed Howlings.

CAPling

“We need to make our trees, woods and cherished landscapes more resilient in the face of current threats. We need to invest in them, to make them more capable of bouncing back from inevitable future impacts.” (http://www.woodlandtrust.org.uk/blogs/woodland-trust/2016/08/post-eu-world/)

Perhaps a variety of rubber tree?

Hole in Wood

“On average, each of us [in the UK] consumes just under a tonne of timber a year. Anything from 10 to 20% of that could be illegal depending on where it’s coming from, … due to some nonsense loopholes.” (http://www.wwf.org.uk/how_you_can_help/campaign_with_us/forest_campaign/)

Which wood is full of holes? For some Friday fun, take WWF’s Loopy Loopholes 5-question quiz – then take action.

Die-phosate

“The trees appeared to have died suddenly. … Drill holes at the base of the trees [indicated] that a poison – most likely glyphosate – had been poured into these holes.” (http://www.woodlandtrust.org.uk/blogs/woodland-trust/2015/07/trees-poisoned-in-lancashire-woodland/)

Monsanto’s glyphosate: now the poison of choice for arboricidal maniacs already intoxicated by drinking too much milk.

Treetops

“The gardeners among us might want to replant their tree to use again year on year.” (http://news.scotland.gov.uk/News/Tree-Whizz-13db.aspx)

This works best if you’ve left the roots attached; they’re not quite like carrot tops.

Architreeve

“The Government has described ancient woods as ‘a natural equivalent to our great churches and castles’ and ‘irreplaceable, living historic monuments’, so we feel it’s only right that wording to describe the treatment of ancient woodland is the same as that for Grade I listed buildings.” (http://www.woodlandtrust.org.uk/news/press-releases/planning-policy-must-contain-stronger-ancient-woodland-protection/)

Viz.: ‘substantial harm to or loss of designated heritage assets of the highest significance … should be holly exceptional.’

Vissolve

“You might not have heard of dissolving pulp, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t connected to it. … 100 million trees are cut down every year to make dissolving pulp that is destined for a second life as a piece of clothing. … Demand for dissolving pulp is driven by demand for viscose fibre … [and] demand for viscous fiber in China is expected to continue growing.” (http://news.mongabay.com/2014/1030-gfrn-gaworecki-dissolving-pulp-threatens-forests.html)

Dual-state cellulose, one minute thick and sticky, the next unravelling on you, is a crime of fashion.

Livestalk

“As long as a healthy balance is maintained, grazing and expanding native woodland can run hand-in-hand.” (http://www.woodlandtrust.presscentre.com/News-Releases/Cattle-helping-to-expand-new-woodland-in-the-Trossachs-11c4.aspx)

..or hoof in frond. Frightening.