Clawmate Change

“We know emissions cause climate change. Until recently, assigning specific blame – establishing whose fault it is – wasn’t possible. But science is racing towards sure ways to clarify ‘whodunnit’ – and to what extent they did it.” (http://www.theecologist.org/campaigning/2986867/are_fossil_fuel_giants_violating_human_rights_the_philippines_will_decide.html)

The only way to get people’s attention is to make it a reality courtroom gameshow.

Ecoalogical

“Participants in the Kemerovo programme will shed the pounds through sports activities and by trying various diets. … In return they will get the wealth of the region – top-grade, high-calorie coal.” (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-news-from-elsewhere-34869151)

Ideal for those who think shiny, coal-like silicon implants will enhance their beauty as much as silicone. Probably not worth trying to explain that eating coal still produces CO2.

Umped

“Carbon reserves were becoming more concentrated at the top as fossil fuel companies struggling with slumps in coal and oil markets merged. … Investors who dumped their fossil fuel holdings over the past five years actually earned 1.2% a year more than those remaining in coal, oil and gas.” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/apr/19/carbon-reserves-held-by-top-fossil-fuel-companies-soar)

Fossil fuel dumps and coal and oil slumps
Give billionaires grumps as their gravy gets lumps.

Coaly Hell

“Gore and Blood said the impact of coal’s combustion on the climate and the air pollution it generates were already responsible for devastating the lives the industry claims to have improved.” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/apr/16/al-gore-coal-industry-campaign-on-energy-poverty-is-extremely-misleading)

The climate change debate just got grisly.

Janus

“Janusz Mackowiak, a moustachioed former MP for Poland’s Agricultural party … Brussels has traditionally faced two ways on Polish fossil fuels projects.” (http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2014/dec/31/polish-farmers-threaten-uprising-over-opencast-coalmine)

Janus – Roman god of doorways, beginnings, and of the rising and setting of the sun, usually depicted with two bearded faces back to back, looking in opposite directions.
Happy New Year.

Regalikarian

“Large polluters will find these conclusions to their linking since they may escape a meaningful pollution price signal for at least another decade. With renewable energy and efficiency targets barely above business as usual trends, a carbon market that will remain irrelevant for a decade and nothing to reign in coal power, Europe’s early efforts to combat climate change and advance clean energy have been set adrift.” (http://www.wwf.org.uk/about_wwf/press_centre/index.cfm?uNewsID=7354)

Unlinked large polluters should seek opportunities in a coaligarchy.

Mock Turbine

“European Commission is asking the United Kingdom to designate protected areas for harbour porpoise, a marine mammal regularly found in UK waters. … Despite a large number of harbour porpoise in its waters, the UK has so far proposed only one small site in Northern Ireland, exposing some of the identified sites to the risk of offshore wind farm development. … The European Commission is [also] urging the UK to comply with EU requirements on industrial emissions. … The infringement concerns coal-fired Aberthaw power station in Wales, which is exceeding the emission limits for nitrogen oxides (NOx). … [This gives] the UK two months to act … [or] the case may be referred to the EU Court of Justice.” (http://europa.eu/rapid/press-release_MEMO-14-589_en.htm)

A DEFRA spokesperson could only gabble*:
“Will you blow a little faster?” said a wind farm to a whale,
“There’s a porpoise posse near us, venting noxides over Wales.”

(*In honour of my favourite Sweetcorn-sculpting Personality-profiler.)