“Cattle release five times more greenhouse gas and consume six times more nitrogen than eggs or poultry.” (

Ahhh, it’s the nitrogen-eating eggs that produce the finest hydrogen fartoxide.


“The Janjaweed, the Lord’s Resistance Army, Al-Shabab and Boko Haram … [the authors claim] have all been involved in poaching ivory and rhino horn to fund terrorist attacks.” (

This is what happens when 70s prog rock bands go bad.


“Department of Energy and Climate Change (DECC) officials confirmed that they were ending the right of politicians to veto a nuclear waste dump in their area. … There would have to be a ‘positive test of community support’ before any repository could be built.” (

But not a test of community-elected representative support.


“Using high-resolution satellite imagery, researchers counted the population of polar bears (Ursus maritimus) on Rowley Island in Foxe Basin in the Canadian Arctic. … [They] were able to discriminate among presumed bears and non-targets by comparing high resolution images collected at different points in time.” (

This ‘if it moves it’s a polar bear’ criterion critically differs from the land-based count where ‘if it moves you’re too late.’


“The American Farm Bureau Federation has claimed on its website and elsewhere that EPA would take over all farming and land use, control ‘virtually all water,’ and even regulate puddles and wet spots.” (

The American ‘puddle’ is of course 20 fluid ponds, while the British ‘puddle’ is defined as three to five cubic centidrips, must contain at least 85% water and must remain in place for at least six months of the year. Seasonal puddles are not regulated.


“Two of the Wild Dolphin sculptures that have taken over the streets of Aberdeen in Scotland have been removed for repairs after being vandalised. … Both [were] forced from their plinths overnight and found abandoned nearby.” (

The perpetrators slurred “freedom!” as they tried to liberate the creatures before deciding the North Sea was too far away.


“The National Geographic Society (NGS) has begun incorporating recycled fiber in all the pages of National Geographic Magazine … National Geographic’s world-renowned photography is unparalleled—if they can continue to captivate their audience in print by using recycled content, anyone can.” (

Recycled content is where publications go astray.



“The welfare of animals at London zoo is being put at risk by drunken visitors at its Friday night parties. … One zookeeper at the penguin beach was asked by a man leaning over the glass barrier, ‘Which penguin can I fight?'” (

As he was ejected, he protested, “I was only having a giraffe!”